Weight and Dating

Hi All

Being a plus sized girl myself I know how difficult weight loss can be, so I often frowned when men insisted on meeting slim women only. However, reading this article makes me understand and I think it is a must read for all overweight ladies out there
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_don't_men_like_overweight_girls

Men and overweight women

Men don't like overweight women for the same reasons women don't like overweight men. For the same reason some people like blonds, some brunettes, some like short women, some like tall men. Same reason why you're attracted to some men and not others. It's not all about conditioning, its not all about the media.

Some other thoughts from the community:

• There are many men who like overweight women. It's only the most shallow kind of person who buys into that "it's the media's fault" crap. It is far more likely to be one's personality or low self-esteem that that men find unattractive. Confidence is THE key to being irresistible. After all, if you don't like yourself, why would you expect anyone else to like you?
• What society in general considers attractive is equivalent to what is healthy. In impoverished societies that extra weight would be considered attractive. The same thing goes with tans. In our culture, at least before the cancer craze, a tan was attractive since it was a sign of an active healthy life. In the past, however, tan skin was the sign of a laborer, and was not considered attractive.
• It's not that men don't like overweight girls. It's that men, just like women, are social creatures. You probably wouldn't date a guy that most other women would consider a geek, even though you might find him attractive for one reason or another. Study after study has shown that men prefer women who have meat on their bones to those who resemble a certain hotel heiress. And study after study has shown that despite a women's body size, men prefer women who are smart, easy going, not prone to depression, are confident in themselves and their mate, etc.
• The average size woman wears a size 10 to 14. Of course, how size 14 looks on you depends much on your height. A woman 6 foot tall could weight 145 pounds be as thin as a super model. But a woman 5 foot at 145 is a little chunky.
• Also, men prefer women who appear to be healthy, and capable of producing healthy children as it is a man's animal instinct to reproduce his DNA. It is a known fact that if you are "morbidly obese" (and I choose that term because some doctors don't understand that simple obesity does not mean unhealthy) or too thin, you are unhealthy, and thereby not likely to either conceive, carry or give birth to a live healthy baby. Overweight doesn't always mean unhealthy just as thin doesn't always mean healthy.
• You can be a "bigger" woman and still be healthy. Your health shows in your skin, hair, nails, eyes, and attitude.
• Also, keep in mind that a majority of men do not marry supermodel thin women. And they don't marry women who are obsessed with their looks, whether she be obsessed with how good she looks, or obsessed with how "bad" she looks. If you're weight is causing you or could cause you some health problems, then your concentration should be on losing weight to help or prevent those problems. Once you do that, everything else, including the interest of men, will fall into place, no matter what size you are.
• Take heart ladies: a poll posted on MSN about 1-2 years ago about men's preference in women showed that American men actually prefer a woman who is somewhat meaty over the anorexic bimbo types; and this was by a clear majority in votes.
• It is definitely a cultural phenomena. In many countries, women who are "overweight" are considered desirable. Thankfully, for many women there are increasing numbers of weight diversity tolerance groups. Be confident in who you are. A slim waist may attract for a moment but a WIDE smile will enlist a life mate.
• Look at ads for beer or football, pick up a Playboy, or turn on Cinemax after about 11pm and you'll see what is culturally defined as "sexy". A man (usually younger) who objectifies women and sees them as objects of gratification is probably less likely to value a woman's other qualities over her appearance. It's not so much that men don't like overweight women, it's that men are visual creatures and "sexy" is very culturally dictated (if you don't believe that, take a course in sociology). Those aforementioned media types dictate what sexy is and overweight is not "sexy". But those are anonymous sex objects, so a man may find a larger woman sexy for her mind if he actually gets to know her.
• Men do not generally like looking at overweight girls. This does not mean they cannot like an overweight girl. Compensation is almost always possible and it can and is applied to all types of situations in life. A charismatic overweight girl has more of a shot with a man who is seeking someone to connect with than an uncharismatic beautiful girl. Similarly, this same uncharismatic beautiful girl has better chances with a shallow man seeking pure sex than does an overweight yet charismatic female. This is of course, assuming the obvious fact that many of us are products of culture and our perceptions are invariably influenced by culture. Still, our perceptions of beauty and our perceptions of a wonderful person are not the same. An overweight girl can be liked by men; however, she may find it necessary to compensate in some respects in order to compete with and surmise over her thinner female peers.
• Some men actually do like overweight girls. Just be proud of who you are, realise that you are beautiful, powerful, and let your inner confidence shine through, and you will attract many men who didn't even know that they would consider a larger woman. Be bold within your own skin. (Incidentally, I am not going to lie to you, I am currently on medication to lose weight, prescribed by my GP, but that is only for health reasons. If there was no health risk with being large, I would stay as I am.)
• I'm presuming it's because we are not primarily attracted to overweight men either. Men and women are vastly different but we're so alike in many other ways. It may seem harsh but you are more likely to get noticed if you are a comfortable weight. If you are happy with the way you look you project a positive mood. That's life. Men are superficial and so are we.
• It's all very simple, women who are the correct weight for their height are healthier than fat women. This means that genetically they are stronger, are more likely to become pregnant and survive it. Result: better babies and more of them.
• A person likes to know they are with someone who's not too lazy to at least take some sense of care of themselves If they don't take care of their own body, there are reasons. Medical, depression, poor self esteem, poor health, not caring, lazy, bad habits passed down form who raised them. Maybe these are not all reasons for it, but they are many associated with it. You need to like yourself before anyone else is expected to.
• People who take care of themselves want to know they are going to be with someone else who feels the same way. Maybe they like the fact that their woman takes pride in herself and has a sense of who she is. Men who are normal find this even more sexy and a turn on. Overweight women, more than a size 10, are often suffering from mental illness or they are lazy with no personal pride. The lady on a man's arm is a sign of his own self esteem. If she is fat or obviously older than he is then the guy has problems. Sorry to sound like a pig ladies but this is the truth. Any man or woman who is not sloppy or a mess mentally wants a person to be with that is like them and men like a nice looking woman on their arm. We are visual creatures. If the babe has a terrible personality she won't usually last but decent looking men DO NOT WANT a woman who doesn't take care of herself to at least a reasonable consent and a half way decent looking man will not have limited options to pick from.
• The majority of men like all girls, thin, fat or in between. The thing is, it is harder to be slim than it is to be fat. You must work for it, live the lifestyle necessary to achieve it. Therefore, it is something a woman has worked to achieve which gives it merit. Working to make herself attractive has given her confidence. Confidence is attractive. Men are socially conditioned to prefer thin women. But, I firmly believe that if a heavy woman lives life well, cooks as well as she eats, is active and happy, then she should have no problem landing a good man.
• In all honesty, men do not have an exact preference, whether slim, thin, chunky chubby. Overweight falls within all those categories. Men, will find a woman attractive for many reasons other than what the scale says. I can be attracted to a thin woman or a chunky woman. If a man finds a woman attractive then it really doesn't matter. I think for this particular question we have to remove two parts.. "men" being ALL men and "overweight girls" being women who can fit under many categories. I have dated women from 100 pounds to 160 pounds and they were all very beautiful to me, they had their own figure that fit them as an individual and made them physically attractive. No two women are the same. Now I have answered this question with regards to overweight and the categories of body type that fall under being overweight. Obesity is now considered a illness here in America and has serious health risks associated with it.
• Some do. Also, it depends on your definition of over weight. I agree that partially men are conditioned to like the model types. I disagree that women should be 5'6 and 110. Men who want that better either make a lot of money, be extremely charismatic, or get used to disappointment. That sort of ideal is unrealistic and likely unhealthy. It could be said men who like really thin women like them because their commitment to such an ideal shows their commitment to serving mens desires above their own whims. Also, muscle weighs more than fat so you don't just want to consider total weight (like a figure of 110) but total percent body fat.
• More importantly though, most people are drawn to confidence, and people who perceive themselves to be overweight are often lacking in self-confidence. Realize your other qualities, or if you can't get past it find some way to lose the weight. Many times obesity and/or over-eating are related mental disorder, just like anorexia and bulimia. And the most common disorder is depression. It is nothing to be ashamed of as it affects millions of regular people, but if you are suffering from depression or anything similar you will want to seek help whether from a network of friends and family or professional help.
• If you are depressed because of your weight, it is hard to lose it because depression makes the ambition to exercise difficult to muster and the alluring of filling the pain of your depression that way you fill a hunger. If you cannot be comfortable with the you that you are (or if you doctor tells you that there are serious health risks related to your current weight) join a support group. Whether you watch Oprah, pay a service, belong to an on-line community, or a enlist a group of friends families and neighbors, find a way to feel supported in being the wonderful you that you are and realizing that if you want to lose weight you can. Just don't obsess about what you think men think and think for yourself whatever it is that you think about it.
• Use your other qualities! Wear make-up. Dress nice. Fix your hair different. SMILE. They will notice.
• Men are visually stimulated. In the beginning everything had to do with survival of the fittest. So a woman with broad hips, large breasts meant that she will probably carry and deliver a child well. Being overweight is a sign of in activity/POSSIBLE laziness, who wants that when we are trying to survive? Fast forward into the future, with your modern air brushes, makeup etc. and all men see are these made up air brushed clean looking women with hard muscular bods. That appeals to the basic self preservation/child producing need, but for what ever reason the made up fake girl also looks appealing. So the media and culture have influenced modern man to think that you have to not only be not fat, with a body that looks healthy enough for work and child bearing, but be flawlessly beautiful -- and fat is a flaw.
• Still, not all men see fat as a flaw. And we do need to take in to consideration the saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and know that every culture has a so called different view of what is and isn't pretty, (Though I think we could take what we Americans consider a beautiful girl, and show her face to the world and there would be a general consensus that she is beautiful, and visa versa).
• I lost a large amount of weight and am not getting asked out constantly and turning heads . With all this you would think happiness would come but no, all the guys hitting on me are vulgar, nasty boys. They sit around making fun of fat women on the beach while they have fat rolls hanging out. So maybe you should consider that the guys that don't like overweight women aren't anything to be worrying about anyways. I would rather be obese than put up with the sexual harassment that comes with being thin.
• Men like different things at different times in their lives. What is important to them now may not be important later. Younger men, for the most part, don't really know what they want. Socially they may want a "Barbie" for their friends' to admire.
• Regardless, you shouldn't change yourself for anyone, but if you are not happy then you should consider some changes. Weight in general can be unhealthy on your body and emotionally unhealthy.
• I know what it's like to be fat. I weigh about 320 and I am beautiful. I notice that my friends who are all thin and hard bodied have the same problems finding dates that fat girls do. However, I do think it is easier for a man to date a thin woman, because society does say that is more attractive and I think it's hard for men to set themselves apart and risk being ridiculed.
• The thing is all about confidence. No one wants a person with a low self esteem. Also, there is a difference between being a few pounds overweight and being morbidly obese. If a person is obese, no one is going to be attracted to that person because of several factors. One that would keep me from dating an obese person would be because there would be a greater chance of that person being taken away from me if I fell in love with them.
• If you are a woman of size, needing the permission or the validation from any human to secure your confidence in being sexy is a false sense of security. If you are woman start from there, we have innate ability to render a man helpless! But in order to do so you have embraced the WOMAN you are, despite the package she comes in. Women of size get over the question of your sexiness and become it mind, body and soul. The answer to this question begin with you and that's what matters.
• It's all genetics kids. We have been "programmed" as we evolved to be attracted to the healthiest and the strongest. There is a certain waist hip ratio that we unconsciously see as healthy and ideal for child bearing. Larger women can fit this ration. It depends on how the weight is distributed.
• Men do not only like thin women. This is a misconception that has been brought into light by women who are not confident in themselves. Most men don't have a certain type. They like women of all sizes and shapes. Our bodies, whether large or small are who we are. If people -- not just men -- cannot accept us and praise us for us, then they are not worth knowing or having in our lives. Everyone no matter what they look like externally is beautiful. It is ignorance that makes us ugly.
• Firstly, a common misconception women seem to have brought upon themselves is the importance of weight in a relationship. Younger people in Grade school and middle school and sometimes high school (Specifically depending on the maturity of the individual) Will not date an overweight girl. This is, in psychology, referred to as "Social Dating", As a generalization, immature individuals have tenancies to date for looks, Mature individual date for the good reasons. That is a generalization about 80 85% correct. But the problem is, today, Women striving for thinness. Most men want NOTHING to do with those overly thin women, because it reflects on the self confidence of the individual, The personality, and through mutual preferences (She puts herself at risk to be thin) This reflects on what she is seeking in a man (Looks looks looks.) However, this is subjective to circumstances, as some woman are naturally thin, so basically, this question isn't a good one to ask if you're looking for a serious relationship. If you follow the traces of relationships and their psychological patterns, you will find that relationships that began based on looks or "Social Dating" tend to fail or dissolve anyway. You've heard it before, you'll hear it again, Be Yourself, it works better than anyone who hasn't tried it could imagine. Being yourself makes every piece of your personality fall into an order that others will find more desirable
• It boils down to choice. Everyone has a preference and if someone doesn't like you then move and quit worrying about one person, or two, or three, or a hundred. If you like being overweight, be overweight, find someone who likes you the way you are and quit bitchin'. Accept who you are or change it.
• It doesn't matter who likes you and who doesn't if you aren't happy with you somewhere on the inside. If you hold yourself in high regard, well others will follow suit. But I do believe that part of the reason SOME men might not care for the overweight girl is because sometimes being overweight is like carrying around extra emotional baggage. Just like dating a woman who is freshly divorced, hasn't worked out her issues, or the woman who cheats, or whatever. It doesn't have to be overweight, but that is just like any other kind of emotional baggage, unless you start to deal with the reasons, and start to deal with getting some self esteem, and feeling better, and treating yourself better, no guy is going to want to deal with that. But on the flip side of that, there are confident overweight women, who do feel ok with who they are what they are about and where they are at in life.
• Women go for guys that are tall and well built. So why is it a "crime" for men to seek out women that are sleek and smooth. To the women out there: When was the last time that you found a short guy attractive? Very few, no doubt, just like there are very few guys that go for overweight women. I am so tired of this double standard; it is wrong for a man to want an attractive lady, but the women can shun guys that are short/fat/no money.
• Very overweight = not in control of her appetite = bad hygiene emotional problem; clingy in relationships; no fun; and/or whatever. Fat is hardly ever the only problem, we generalise, like women, to save time
• Don't give me the crap about how men are "conditioned" by the media. The media simply presents what people like, they don't create it. There is no media conspiracy to make people attracted to skinnies. Otherwise people wouldn't, themselves, be getting fatter all the time.
• Being overweight is a changeable issue, sometimes being overweight is determined by the inescapable family skeleton, but you could still change the way you are outwardly projecting yourself. So if you are overweight and eating a double quarter pounder, you surely aren't caring for yourself. If you don't like the way you are treated because of your image- change it if that's the attention you want, you can't expect to get the attention women have been working for years to get. Take care of yourself and wear clothing that flatters your body and be yourself, if you are a slob that's how people will view you. First impressions are everything- no matter how thin or big you are.
• It is all on the way you carry yourself, if you carry yourself like you don't like yourself then why would others, make people realize that big is beautiful. When you start to show the utmost confidence in yourself others will start to see you in a different light. I carry myself like I am beautiful and that is how others will see me. But their are all different types of men out their, some want only heavyset and some want only smaller women. Just have confidence in yourself and you will start to see. Never let anyone tell you that you are ugly because you are heavy or that no one wants you because you are heavy. Look if you got it flaunt it, show the best qualities, if it is your smile always keep it on, dress nice and fitted, don't wear something that will drown your body out or make it look like you can fit about 50 other people in it, just because you are overweight don't mean you have to dress like you cover 50 people. Just show people your true self and they will come to like you.
• Men do not like overweight girls, like women do not like short guys. For example, most beautiful women will not look at bloke (even if she is attracted to him) if he's too short. A fairly good looking man even at 5 ft 8 will have to try harder than a counterpart at 6ft 2 of equivalent attractiveness. Flowing from this observation, a pretty 5ft 5 girl at 140lbs will not be popular as an equivalent 5ft5 girl weighing 115.
• Whilst relationships are inevitably a compromise it should be noted that human beings are extremely superficial and do indeed judge a book by its cover. Individuals are picky because they can afford to be it's that simple.
• I often find that overweight women have low self esteem and deep seated confidence issues (even if they will not admit it). This is similar to short guys.
• Because most men are shallow and don't let themselves get far enough into a relationship past the physical part to enjoy and appreciate what a woman is or is not. They believe that sex will be better if they visualize they are sleeping with a Barbie doll. Sadly still, most men today, at least at first, don't want an intellectual or emotional relationship, they want a physical relationship and it's hard for them to visualize being physical with someone that doesn't fit their stereotype, thus, they never get that far. Men are not the only ones that don't like overweight girls or people. The vast majority of American people are fat phobic. They have preconceived ideas about fat people, that they are lazy, unmotivated, eat too much, are sloppy, don't like to do anything physical, are unhealthy, don't take care of themselves or "have issues." Sometimes this is true and sometimes not, but it rarely is decided based upon a scale.
• Women (and men) ARE fatter today than ever before. This is well documented. So when you hear what size the average woman in America is, doesn't mean that's an appropriate size. It means that most are overweight. The biggest question is, "why do women WANT to be overweight?" People who treat their bodies with respect and care expect those important to them to do the same. If I hear once more how not liking fatties is "shallow," I'm going to scream! It's not shallow, it's biology.

Note: There are comments associated with this question. See the discussion page to add to the conversation.

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_don't_men_like_overweight_girls#ixzz1NNIhQuRV

DATE WEAR - Important rules for dressing

The question I most often get from my clients right before the first date is : "What should  I wear?"


Best is to stick with what you know and suitable to the time of day and the venue.


1. Something old
Never wear a brand new outfit to a date, although new feathers might sound like it will give you more confidence in fact it might not. Remember the time when you bought a  new pair of shoes for that big presentation to an important client? They were oh so comfortable in the shop, but after half an hour in your meeting you wanted to tear them off an throw them out the window. Same goes for a new outfit. After wearing it for a while it might be too tight, material scratchy or splitting open at places you don't want it to. This will distract you and you might hate the date not because of your companion but because of your outfit. Rather stick to something you know looks good and in which you have been complimented on. When in doubt ask your sister or cousin to rate your outfit (nobody more honest than family)


2. Something borrowed
A sentimental piece of jewelery or wrap can add some class to an outfit. Plus it makes the evening feel special and you will feel some comfort in having something that is special to you, it might also become a conversation starter e.g If he compliments you on the necklace you can tell him the history about how it was handed down your family through generations.


3. Something Blue
Blue symbolizes peace, tranquility, calm, stability, harmony, unity, trust, truth, confidence, conservatism, security, cleanliness, order, loyalty, sky, water and is not at all a negative colour. If you have blue eyes this is a good way to attract attention to your beautiful eyes . For evening midnight blue is a symbol of class and royalty all the things you want to reflect, in the day light blue is fresh and clean.  


Rules for Gentlemen:
- No short pants or slops - closed shoes and long pants only
- if it is a more casual date like lunch, jeans are acceptable as long as you wear it with  button    
  shirts and a stylish jacket
- Ties are not needed (unless the restaurant is very formal and requires you to wear one)
- Stick to Neutral colours like white, brown, blue NO cammo print or check shirts
- Safest option is Chino pants with a button shirt (no tie)
- Clean and neat fingernails
- Clean hair and a little gel (not enough to oil your car with)




Rules for Ladies: 
- Sexy not slutty (A little leg a little cleavage never hurt anyone but not too much of anything)
- Black is slimming but do not wear it if it does not suit your skin colour etc. Always wear colours 
  suitable to YOU
- Wear something suitable to your personality, if you never wear a dress do not attempt it for the 
  date, you will just feel uncomfortable. Rather wear nice tailored pants
- Clean clossy, blowdried hair. Men love shiny healthy hair - if your hair is long wear it down
- Go for a facial, clear skin is a sign of health and in ancient times essential to survival (yes its 
   true see article http://www.nytimes.com/1999/02/28/style/mirror-mirror-biologically-speaking- 
   isn-t-she-beautiful.html)
- Do not overdo the make-up, use a good base and mascara and a light lipgloss.


Universal rules:
- Do not over or under dress for venue or time of day - if in doubt ask you matchmaker or a 
  friend!
- Neat, tidy, ironed and fresh
- Do not overdo perfume or cologne
- Brush your teeth and use chewing gum before you go in (make sure you spit it out)
- Make sure your socks match:)


For any more tips and questions contact the dating experts

First date no no's for men

If you are a man and serious about dating check out this blog for things not to say !
http://advice.eharmony.com/dating/date-tips/ten-things-women-never-want-hear-on-first-date/?cid=2091&aid=0323111

First date tips from the Matchmaker

Blind dates can be nerve-wracking you do not know anything about the person, how they will react towards you, what to say what to do!!!!!

You have taken the step towards finding your match by approaching a matchmaker. Bear in mind that they have already selected a date that will have some interests in common with you.

Here are a few tips for Matchmaking clients to consider:


1. The first glance

      First impressions are important as we generally form an impression of a person within just minutes of meeting them. Blind dates are no different. Your first impressions sets the stage for the entire date, so be sure to prepare in advance! Do not start dressing for your blind date 30 minutes before you leave home you will end up with a pile of unsuitable clothes. Decide beforehand what to wear, try it on and stick to your choice!

When it comes to appearances, select clothing that is appropriate for your date. Never wear faded jeans or “plakkies” to a dinner date. The dress code is smart casual even if you are just having drinks. In the case of men a nice jean is allowable but with a long sleeved shirt button up. No T-shirts. For ladies Do not wear clothes that are too revealing (Although a little cleavage never hurt anybody), strange, or over the top. But also dress in your own style. It reflects your personality and will give the person an overview of who you are.

Get a fresh haircut or trim so that you look neat and well put together. You should also trim your nails (manicures and/or pedicures are always nice), shine your shoes, and/or iron your clothes, if needed. While this may be obvious, make sure that you shower, shave, and smell good. While a bit of cologne or perfume can be sexy, do not overdo it. Remember, you only have once chance at a first impression, so make it a good one!

Be Flexible
Your matchmaker arranged for a place to meet but you are free to take initiative an suggest you move to another place for the dinner if the restaurant becomes too noisy etc,
Play it by ear, if you enjoy your dates company and want to prolong the date suggest getting desert. If there is no connection do not feel bad to say “Do you mind if we get the bill?” When using a matchmaker, part of the game is that everyone knows that with some people there might just not be a connection and there is no reason to suffer through a whole meal, your date will not feel offended. On the other hand it is a good idea to wait it out just a bit longer so that both parties relax before you decide to end the date.

Who Pays
This is up to both parties, most women feel that the man should pay for the first date, however she is free to offer to pay her share, it is up to the man if he accepts or not.

2.     The First Meeting.
Arrive a little early and offer a polite greeting and handshake when he/she arrives. Smile and be friendly, even if you are nervous. Men, be a gentleman and open doors, pull out her chair, etc. Women, be polite and thank him if he does these things for you. 

3.     Be Open Minded.
Remember that this is a blind date. If you set your expectations too high, you will surely be disappointed. Do not make an assumption about your date when you first see them. Some people might not be drop dead gorgeous at first sight but might have all the criteria you are looking for. So give them time to relax and display their real personalities. Secretly, we may all want good looking, highly intellectual, slapstick funny dates with an abundance of cash. That's not reality though. Stay open minded and free of high expectations for your date. This will allow you to relax and have a good time rather than setting yourself up for disappointment should the date not go well.

4.     Be Yourself.
It's easier said than done, but relax, relax, relax. One of the biggest mistakes that people make on blind dates is trying to be someone that they aren't. Just be yourself. Do not feel pressure to wear heels if you normally wear sandals. During the date, answer questions honestly and talk candidly about yourself without exaggerating. Remember, your date wants to know who you are; not who you your date wants you to be. Your matchmaker has chosen somebody compatible with you already so if you act different you will not match anymore

5.     Making Conversation.
Conversation is extremely important to the success of a blind date. Getting it started and keeping it going is essential. Think of a few general, light topics to bring up in the beginning. Ask about their family or his friends. Keep the conversation light, but really try to get to know them.

Do:

·         Ask about them (work , do they enjoy their job, would they do anything else if they could, are they creative etc etc).

·         Ask about family and friends (siblings are always a good subject to get a conversation flowing).

·         Compliment your date on a piece of jewelry or watch or anything that in itself is sometimes a good conversation point. You could ask something like “That is a beautiful bracelet, is it sentimental to you?”

·         Ask about his or her interests and hobbies.

·         Discuss music, film, food, and art. Start of by saying something like “I watched the movie Armagedon again last week, what a classic! Did you like it? Then engage further by saying that’s interesting so what is your all time favorite”

·         Talk about yourself (but not the entire time!) but do not direct the conversation away from you the whole time. If they ask answer them as honestly as you can.

·         Show an interest in what he or she is saying.

·         Stimulate the conversation with open-ended questions.

Do Not:

·         Discuss past relationships

·         Talk in depth about topics that don't interest the other person if you like computer games and they don’t end the conversation as soon as you see that you are on one topic for a long time and they are not responding.

·         Speak badly about others.

·         Say anything stupid, mean, or inconsiderate.

·         Monopolize the conversation.

·         Cross-examine your date.

·         Ask close-ended questions that require only a 'yes' or 'no' answer.

Body Language
Also remember that first impressions are not just based on appearance, but on the way you communicate with your words, tone of voice, and body language as well. In fact, body language is actually the most important when it comes to communication. Don't focus on your body language so much that it feels forced because it will come across that way to your date as well. Relax and react appropriately. Keep your eyes on your date, not on yourself or others around you. If you're having a good time, give your date signs that you're enjoying their company. 

7.     Things to Watch.
While you should never go into a blind date with bad expectations, you should keep an eye out for a few 'warning signs'.

·         He or she talks about past relationships throughout the date.

·         He speaks badly about his mother or ex-girlfriends.

·         He doesn't offer to pay (unless it was agreed to go dutch).

·         He or she is rude to you directly

·         He or she treats the waiters rudely or doesn't tip.

·         He or she drinks a lot (Meaning a bottle, if they have 2-3 drinks it might just be to calm their nerves).

·         He or she does not pay attention to you (i.e. they answer cell phone calls during the date, etc).

8.     Exit Strategy.

Blind dates set up by a matchmaker are different from normal blind dates. Everyone is briefed by the matchmaker, that there is no harm done in exiting a date when you feel there is no connection. Have drinks and give the date some time to relax and chat. When the waiter comes to the table and wants to take your order be assertive and say to them that you will first have drinks and decide at a later stage if you want to stay for a meal. That will make it easier for both parties.

9.     Ending the Date.
Saying goodbye at the end of a blind date has the potential to be very awkward. When the date is over, do what feels right. No matter what, you should remember to thank the other person. If your date went well, be sure to let them know that and mention that you'd really like to see them again. If it didn't go well, then you should not suggest or agree to meet again, nor should you give your phone number or say you'll call them. This can string him/her along and create creates false hopes and impressions. It's generally better to be honest and upfront, but do it politely. If you don't want to see them again, say something like "I don't think we have a lot in common." Always be kind and make every effort to spare his or her feelings. 

Blind dates do not differ much from other first dates. With these tips from your matchmaker, your blind date will hopefully turn into a second date! 

How to start dating again after a divorce or Break-up

So you are divorced...

Yes you and a lwhole bunch of other South Africans (See statistics http://www.statssa.gov.za/publications/statskeyfindings.asp?PPN=report-03-07-01&SCH=3703.) 

And you think this causes you to be an outcast and not “dating material”?

Yes.  I know because I’ve heard the following from divorcees:

• The only person I ever loved married someone else.
• I'm 45, never been married and the odds of my finding someone are zero.
• I'm 64 and divorced three times. Who would want me?
  
  

If any of the aforementioned has crossed your mind and you are using it as an excuse, know this - just because you don't know how to get a date doesn't mean that you can't. If you want to date, and if you want to meet someone special, you can learn how to do it! To further prove my point, every one of the above people who said these things eventually learned to date, and three out of five of them have already met someone and fallen in love. The other two will also find their partners if they keep working at it. Would you like to know how they did it? First, they changed their minds and stopped thinking it couldn't be done. Second, they took action.

Take Action:

Home Alone is a good name for a movie but it's not a good name for you if you want a social life. You can't sit in front of the TV and wait for the dating world to arrive. If you feel you are ready to date; if you have your life reasonably together; and, if you have taken time to feed your spirit after breaking up with someone, then it's time for you to get moving. Lots of dates are waiting to meet you.

Forget about the myth of REJECTION:

So many great people stop the flow of their dating life and accumulate more and more "proof" that they are not datable or lovable. The "proof," of course, is all in their imagination. When you gather this kind of false evidence, you either settle for someone you don't really want or don't go out at all because you anticipate rejection. Once you understand that you have the power over how you feel about yourself, no one can "reject" you. If someone indicates they don't want to date you, obviously, you don't want to go out with them. You want to be around people who appreciate you. And hey what if he does not ask for your number? His loss – plenty of fish in the sea and he was conceited anyway.

The more actions taken, the greater your SUCCESS will be:

If you are sincere about wanting to meet someone, you will get out often to different settings. You will be friendly, talk to people, reach out to others, and create a social life. You will have so much going on, you won't have time to feel rejected. Here are some reasons why I see matchmaker services as a good way to meet people:

• This is one of the best ways to meet someone who comes with reference recommendations as your matchmaker has screened all the candidates on the data basis.
• You can give a list of minimum requirements e.g no smokers or no extreme extroverts.
• Your matchmaker will help you through the process. If you are a shy person she will help you go on an “activity date” which does not require sitting over a table with nothing to say.
• You can eliminate making the same mistakes again and again by working with your matchmaker and keeping her informed about the things you might find off-putting about a date

Enjoy meeting different people:

Do not get stuck on the idea of meeting one person and they would be the right match for you. Be ready to meet a lot of people and see what you like and dislike about each of them and then choose your partner. Enjoy dating, it can be nerve wrecking at first but as you get used to it you will find a very wide variety of interesting people to connect with.

So if you are a single divorcee in Gauteng call your matchmaker now to make an appointment Benefit by contacting a matchmaker in Guaten now

Matchmaker myths

Busting a few Matchmaker myths:

Matchmaking is for the rich an beautiful only:

The truth is many  matchmaking agencies allow only a certain type of client to join .i.e the Rich, Beautiful, Educated and well traveled . However if you are the aforementioned, why would you need my services, potential partners would be cuing in front of your door?My clients are everyday people. Each single man or woman is unique and comes with his or her own set of circumstances. You might not be a rich executive but an artist. This is great as some of my clients are not interested in meeting Executive and the job of a matchmaker is to find out which each client has to offer to a partner and match them up with the partner who requires those attributes. I believe everyone deserves love and I will design a program which will work within each person’s specific set of circumstances, both emotional and financial. Programs are designed to help each person find their dream without tapping into their grocery money.

Matchmakers are for losers:

The age-old stigma of hiring a matchmaker makes you a member of the desperate hearts and lonely souls club is long past. In fact, hiring a matchmaker is the “in” thing to do. Hey you are using professionals for your taxes and car repairs, why should your personal life be different? Matchmakers find out all the important things before you even meet the person. For example if you do not want kids, you typically do not want someone who wants a whole rugby team of little ones., but typically you would only find that out around the third date or so. So you already wasted a lot of time with something that will never become a serious relationship. Also matchmakers screen out the people with too much baggage.  

Matchmakers is expensive and I can go on line for free:

Of course you can go on line to one of those “free” sites, but the truth is, they are really not free. Think about all the time you have to invest into the free site, first by creating your charismatic profile, then weeding through thousands of profiles looking for a match, then messaging back and forth, and, you are lucky, you might even make it to a date. I know that I value my time and time is money. Also consider money you waste on disappointing and pointless encounters or the “girl” in Russia who needs you to send $1000 so she can leave her country to be with you! Point is, you get what you pay for.

Only women pay to hire a matchmaker: 

This may be the case for some services, but it is clearly the exception, not the rule. The way I see it is that both men and women pay for the service because by paying a fee you are showing a definite level of sincerity and desire to make the matching process work. You are making both a financial and an emotional commitment.

If I hire a matchmaker everyone in town will know:

 One of our top priorities as a matchmaker is to protect the confidentiality of our clients. You can expect the same type of confidentiality you would receive under the doctor/patient, lawyer/client relationship. We are here to protect and help you and not to humiliate you. We will never ever sell your information to a list company however on line services do that all the time.

So then who does hire a matchmaker?, 

• Singles who are busy with their careers and/or family hire a matchmaker. 
•  People who don’t want to waste their time browsing through thousands of profiles online only to come out frustrated and dateless, hire a matchmaker. 
• People who don’t want to waste their time meeting the wrong people hire a matchmaker. People who are serious and sincere about finding someone special to share their life with hire a matchmaker.

When you need your taxes done, you hire an accountant. When you are sick, you go to a doctor. When you have a legal problem, you hire a lawyer. When you are tired of being alone, tired of wasting your time dating the wrong people and when you are ready to be proactive, YOU hire a matchmaker because that is what intelligent people do. So before you say you are not interested in hiring a matchmaker, be sure you have all the facts before making that decision.

If you are in the Gauteng area the professional ladies from  Click Dating Agency will assist you with more information.

Using a matchmaker - is it desperate?

Executive dating in South Africa:

In today's fast-paced life, we engage experts to help us be the best we can in all areas. We hire accountants to complete our tax forms, real estate agents to find a home, and personal trainers to keep our bodies in shape. Yet we tend to feel reluctant about seeking professional help when it comes to life's most complicated and pleasurable aspect our love life. The mainstream success of online dating has opened the door to using a third party to find love and skyrocketed the popularity of modern-day, one-on-one, personalized matchmaking services.

Now, more than ever before, is it acceptable to use a matchmaker.

Although there are several different matchmaking agencies operating in South Africa they are all unique. As with any other type of Industry every Agency's modus operandi differs and therefore it is important that you choose the company you feel most comfortable with.

1. Choose an agency offering flexibility in their packages. An agency allowing you to do a "test-run" of their services at a reduced price will most probably make a greater effort in satisfying your requirements than an agency ridged in their pricing. Like with any other business negotiate the price.
2. Be sure of what they offer. Some agencies offer membership until you find a match and claim to match you until they find your perfect match. The consequence of this is you might get 1 introduction every 6 months to a year. Check with them how far the introductions will be spaced out.
3. They might send you on endless mismatches before you find one remotely matching your criteria. Rather choose a dating agency offering limited introductions but exclusively to people who match your exact criteria.
4. Like your match-maker. If you feel comfortable with them you would also feel more comfortable with discussing requirements and problems with them.
5. Some agencies give you a list of numbers to arrange dates with. This is unsafe practice for everyone. Rather choose an agency who does not divulge any personal information and arranges the dates at Public Places

Do not hesitate to discuss concerns with your matchmaker when choosing an agency and also allow them to explain their process in deciding the matches they introduce you to.

Well what are you waiting for? Find your matchmaker now !Using a matchmaker - is it desperate?